Your body is the key.
Master the skills of therapeutic embodiment and reclaim your most vital, resilient and passionate self.
“I think my body is broken.”
“I love my partner. I should want to have sex with them more. I don’t know why I can’t.”
“I’m tired of my past holding me back from having good sex. I’m tired of feeling like something’s wrong with me. I just want to be normal.”
I hear these words from my clients all the time. Behind the words are years of accumulated frustration and struggle, and the feeling of never being quite at home with sex and intimacy. Instead of feeling relaxed, playful, turned on, and passionate, they feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, numb or shut down.
Over the years of my work as a clinical sexologist, I came to realize that the reason behind this struggle for many of my clients isn’t necessarily a lack of sex education or poor sexual skills. More often than not, it’s a profound disconnect that exists between them and their bodies. This is hardly surprising, since the skill of body awareness and intentional mind/body communication (sometimes referred to as embodiment) isn’t something that is normally taught to us, or even acknowledged.
Our bodies are speaking to us all the time.
We just don’t know how to listen.
At the core of the body’s ability to communicate lies the nervous system. This powerful network carries messages between the brain and the rest of the body. The body itself stores our experiences, traumas and patterns in a way that’s hidden from our conscious awareness. In the case of my clients, these hidden patterns directly affect their bodies’ sexual functioning in unexpected and often unwelcome ways.
The good news is that the science of neurobiology has tapped into the secrets of the nervous system. As a result, the creation of somatic (body-based) therapy means that we now have a way to intentionally connect and communicate with our bodies. My own training in somatic therapy means that I can help remove the negative patterns and blocks held in the body that prevent my clients from living their best sexual lives.
You can’t build a satisfying sex life on an unsafe body foundation.
How do you know if your body doesn’t feel safe to engage in sex?
Common symptoms include feeling anxious and overwhelmed, disconnected, numb, afraid of “failing”, feeling like your body has betrayed you, and excessively worrying about performance.
These feelings often accompany problems with sexual functioning, like low or uneven sexual desire, difficulties with arousal, lack of pleasure and orgasm, and lack of sexual and body confidence.
What can cause the body to behave this way?
Many factors play a role, but the most common include: negative sexual experiences or trauma, sexual shame and guilt, history of unsafe and toxic relationships, societal and religious conditioning, high stress levels, performance pressure, and unrealistic sexual and body expectations.
Feeling grounded, connected and safe in your body makes you completely free to fully enjoy your sexuality.
This freedom looks like:
Feeling relaxed and excited about the prospect of having sex
Allowing sexual arousal and desire to come easily and naturally
Staying “in the moment”, enjoying pleasure without the annoying distraction of non-stop intrusive thoughts and worry
Feeling confident in your body, your sexual skills and your sexual performance
Freely communicating your needs, desires and boundaries to your partners
Excitedly exploring the richness of your sexual imagination
It’s time to come home to your body.